Coping with Grief

Recently a bad news came to us, my best friend texted me that her 

father just died. The moment I have receibed her message, I was so shock and could not believe it and I was so confused whether it's tru or not (I just wanted to confirm the bad news ). I told my aunt about it and she said to continue texting her but do not ask about the death until they confirmed it. So I texted her brother and he confirmed the death of their father.

We visited the funeral wake and held our condolences to the family. I almost cried when I embraced my best friend's mother but I composed myself to not make a scene. And then we ask our friend on how she was coping and dealing with all of t his and she said she cried a lot when she found out and she could not cry anymore, I mean she wanted to cry but no more tears will fall (I also experience then, I remember we were in a restaurant and could not eat anything and I just feel really weak).  So we told her to  be strong and ask for guidance to our Father Jesus Christ.

So I have decided to write an article about  Grief and its coping mechanisms. Grief comes first whenever we have a major loss particularly to the loss of our family members or loved ones. It may be associated with shock and denial. Shock comes first when you found out about what had happen (Just like what happened to me when my mother died and now my best friend is experiencing it ), and denial is our initial reaction when we found out the sad truth. 

There are stages of grief and these are:

• DENIAL AND ISOLATION
• ANGER
• BARGAINING
• DEPRESSION
• ACCEPTANCE

The first stage is Denial and Isolation: Denial comes when we could not accept the truth behind every situation and we separate ourselves from facts, hide our feelings and pretend that we are ok but these are all normal reaction from pain. 

The second stage Anger: Pain emrges in this stage. When my mom died, i was the one who had the last to know the truth but i'm sure that her siblings felt very angry for this because my mom is not really vocal about what she feels even if she is sick and so I realized from that situation i began to get angry easily, irritated by someone or something, blaming enainimate objects. I also felt angry to my deceased mom  because she died when I was still young (at third year high school to be exact). 


The third stage Bargaining:  In this stage we are like desperate to to bargain with God. we keep on praying telling Him that we will do good things or be kind to others, repsect others inorder to feel like having "Hope" in a certain situation and usually uses the word "If only" during this stage. 


The fourth stage is Depression: In this stage we feel really sad, down and unhappy. We missed the person that had passed away and  regret the times that we could not say anything to him or her like I LOVE YOU. Most of the times NEGATIVISM is a major factor in this stage (which i felt during  my college days). 

The fifth stage is Aceptance: In this stage we are like in a WIN-WIN situation in which the relatives are like team 1 and the family of the deceased person are the team 2. If both teams accepted the fact that their loved one is in the kingdom of our Almighty Father thus it means that both of them can benefit from it and can move on . Coping with loss is a personal matter and can only be healed as time passes with the help of a support system like friends, co workers etc. 
Some changes will occur during grief and these are:

•  Physical changes: You can have a sudden lose of weight and you will wonder you let a lot yet you lost weight easily. (this is very evident to me since I was really fat during my elementary and  high school days but when my mother died from 56 kilos to 48 kg. and I'm maintaining my weight..hehe and as what i have observe from my best friend she lost some weight as well as her brother and mother).
• Emotional changes: You can feel  very sad and hopelessnes  and being negative in doing such work or in a performance. You may also feel very anxious, agitated, and depressed.
• You can also experience being sick, like having stomach pains with no reason, headaches etc. ( I experienced having stomach pains when I began to skipped meals because of school matters and acquired having an ulcer for that and got hospitalized). 
• Suicidal feelings also occur durinng grief and if you heard your loved ones saying that he wanted to die or something in a joking manner, beware and keep an eye on his or her. Keep sharp objects in a safe place where you are the only one to know where you keep it.

Here are some tips to cope up with grief:

• Have the time off: During the death of my mother, I was still at my high school then and what i did was to go on malling and have fun with my friends and unwind as for  my best friend she said that she will have a 2 weeks leave from her work to have rest and compose herself.
• Be healthy: As what i have written, you can get sick that is why you have to take vitamins everyday and eat healthy foods such as vegetables and avoid too much eating meat.
• Express what you feel: You need to talk to a support system like your friends to  lossen up the feeling of being lonely and sad. 
• Acknowledged your loved one's memory: It doesn't mean that the person is already dead and you will forget about him or  her. You can have time to visit the grave and talk to him or her and bring food together with the other members of the family. 
• Make wise choices: Decision making has a major role in this process since it can help the person who is grieving can move on and pays attention to his or her needs and can do better in his or her work.

    Do not be carried away by what you feel..We are all going to die and we just have to accept the fact that those who are ahead of us are in the kingdom of our Father Jesus Chirst. Life is too short we have to make the most of it and have fun, if Jesus is in our heart surely we can overcome all obstacles in life and remember their is light in the darknes..